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False Faith
Kristen, 16

Everyone knows what the kind of false faith where you believe in something you shouldn't, but I'm talking about something different. I’m talking about false faith by preaching something and acting upon something different.

At one point or another, about three years ago, I did this too. It's not something someone tries to do. I was preaching about God, and his love and how he's always there for everyone. For two years I preached this. And came to realize in the summer of '99 that it was all a lie. I realized that I didn't trust God in anyway what so ever. Someone brought it to my attention at the beginning of a week of summer camp. For a week I struggled with it.

How can I, a full-blown Christian not believe the words that are coming out of my mouth? I guess it's because every problem I've ever had, I solved myself. I never went to anyone for help. I was strong, and I could handle it myself. I didn't need anyone's help. Yea, I was there to consult people, but whenever I needed help, I would turn them away. Making it even harder for God to work through someone to comfort me. Finally, the last night of the camp I was at, I saw that I wasn't strong enough to figure it all out on my own. I walked out of the chapel after a service and wanted to go back. But I couldn't. I didn't want to show that something had broken down my barriers, and that something had gotten to me. I ended up walking back into the chapel after walking around the camp for a little while. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to think on my own.

But God didn't have it planned that way. One of the counselors from my church had seen me walk in. She approached me and asked if I wanted to talk. I didn't know what to do or say, and then, it all came out. I told her all about how I had been a Christian for so many years, but all the time I was preaching it, I never believed it. I couldn't believe that this God was helping me every step of the way. I was strong enough, and I didn't need his help. He could go and help someone else who needed it. I was the strong one. I could stand up to anything. When I realized that I was wrong. I was standing up against myself. I was standing in the way of my beliefs.

Now, not everyone is going to be standing in the way of themselves, it's just how I am. The way I was brought up. To believe I was strong and I could stand up to anything that blocked my path. But how do you defeat something that isn't trying to hurt you? After realizing that, and talking about it, I figured out that it was something that I should have realized long ago, and wasn't going to fix itself until I admitted that I was wrong, and that I couldn't do it on my own.

Finally, after that, things cleared up a bit, but not immediately. Nothing ever works that way; it's never that simple. God had worked his way, now it was my turn to hold up my part of the bargain. I had to change. It took me a little less than a year. I started listening more, paying more attention to myself and what people were saying when they talked about God, and I started listening to what my head was telling me, and stopped believing that I was some strong fort that nothing could break down. Because that was just what Satan wanted. He wanted me to believe that I didn't need God, and that I was strong enough without him. But no one is. No one can survive in the world we live in today with the way things are. Everywhere you turn, there's someone bashing a Christian, bashing God, and what we believe in. How are you going to stand up for something that you have everyone else fooled that you believe in, when you really don't know what you're standing up for? It doesn't work that way. God sees around everything we do, we can't fool him or the good he does in our lives. We can't fool him into believing that we whole-heartedly believe in him when we know it's not true ourselves.